It is 1:29 in the morning and I can't seem to sleep but I feel this lonely feeling again all over me when i think back of the past. Yea, every month, there will be a date that I will think about this and not minding the usage of my words to people around me. There are things that I really shouldn't have said and maybe could've been told at a later time. and this time, i really felt that my sms is like picking a fight. ah, really, what to do now. i hate myself for this. i cant even bother looking at any typing errors cause the light is too painful. i miss her. i just need her beside me. and to accept what i said cause its been bugging me all the time. i dont want a r/s of abuse. i don't want to turn this r/s into lust. i don't want. even if it makes us feels good, if it turns to lust, its worse. i want a r/s that is made up of love. but i don't know, seems like i sidetracked a little bit. ah. god, i really hate myself for being so narrow minded. does narrow minded even exist? idk.
one thing for sure, i love her.